- Your presence is the most valuable thing you can give.
- Sit near your grieving friend. Hold their hand, give a hug, pass a tissue, cry with them, and listen to them.
- Do not struggle with finding the “right” words to say. A simple “I’m sorry” is enough.
- Give private time to your friend, but never let them feel like they are alone. Feeling alone increases feelings of emptiness and despair.
- If you do not know what to do, ask yourself, “What would I like done for me under these circumstances?”
- Directly ask your friend what s/he needs.
- Talk if your friend wants to talk. Keep silent if your friend prefers silence.
- Focus on giving rather than receiving. Grieving persons need much help and rarely have much to give in return.
- Bring food to the home. Help with household chores.
- If you are unable to tolerate extremely painful mourning, help from afar. Offer to help with chores or running errands. Do not tell a grieving friend not to cry because you are not able to bear it. Weeping is essential.
- Share your own grieving experiences but use good judgment. Only share that which will offer hope and survival.
- Include grieving friends in social invitations. Allow them to freely accept or refuse.
- Use good judgment in how long to visit. Grieving friends will be grateful you are there, but not comfortable asking you to leave.
- Acknowledge the loss. This can be said simply and directly or send a note, flowers, or a donations to charities in their name.
- Sharing spiritual beliefs that are uplifting can give great support. Do not push your beliefs on your grieving friend. Praying together can create a sense of unity.
- Do not withdraw support too quickly after the funeral. This could create another sense of loss.
If your grieving friend does not seem to be recovering or is taking an inordinately long time grieving, it is appropriate for someone to suggest that your friend consult a professional counselor. Everyone is different even though there are similar needs.
