A private grief

Sarah’s lover dies, yet she cannot go to the funeral because her lover’s wife and children are present. Sarah also has children by this man, but their relationship has been hidden for many years.

Grief is commonly disenfranchised in today’s community. Disenfranchised grief is a phrase developed by Kenneth Doka (2002) to describe grief that is not publicly acknowledged or socially sanctioned. Disenfranchised grief can occur when there have been extramarital relationships or co– habitation.

Recent news reports of the men trapped in a Chilean mine revealed women arriving at the camp to find that their partners had a wife and children that they were not aware of. One report said that a miner had a first wife whom he never divorced, a live-in partner who is a mother of a child he had several years ago as well as a woman who claims to be his current girlfriend. You may know others who have had this happen to them or a loved one. Click here to read more.

Grief support in the schools

Mid-September finds our school services program moving forward at a face past. Listed below are some highlights.

Grief impacts an entire social network. This includes families, friends, colleagues, communities and schools. Many schools recognize the value of nurturing acceptance of a school-related loss and work to provide a supportive environment for student and staff process and memorializing. Click here to read our bereavment newsletter for schools.

Children grieving the loss of somone special need extra support. Elementary school-aged childrne respond well to specific, developmentally appropriate, grief interventions. Art, music, bibiliotherapy will be highlighted in this years NEOEA Day workshop: Someone Special Died: Helping the Elementary School-Aged Child.

We are in the planning stages with several schools to offer our 8-10 week S.T.A.R.S. grief support group.

If you you like more information on our school program or any of our programs, please contact us.

Grief: How do you heal if multiple deaths occur over a short time period?

A friend experienced the death of her son-in-law, and then a week later her mother-in-law died. A month later, her Dad died. My heart goes out to her and her family.

Her grief needed and still needs to be validated and normalized. Grieving for one person and then experiencing additional deaths during that initial grief period can hamper the healing process. In addition, each subsequent death can spark previous grief reactions. The roller coaster of emotions can move at a fast and furious pace.


We have learned from working with older adults who frequently experience multiple deaths in the course of a year that it is often helpful to compartmentalize the deaths. You may not know which person to grieve for first. You may you feel guilt over missing one person more than another. Take the time to grieve each death. Each person that died was a unique person and your relationship with that person had its own distinctive qualities. To read more ...

Grief and Loss and the high holy days…..

While much is written about grieving during Thanksgiving and the many December holidays, not much attention has been given to the difficulty coping during the Jewish high holy season.

Happy New Year. May you be inscribed in the book of life….

This sentiment is expressed by many well intentioned individuals throughout the Jewish High Holy days. However, if you have recently experienced the death of a loved one, these greetings may be difficult to hear. Family members gather to celebrate with traditional foods. Communities come together to worship. These can act as a trigger for the newly bereaved. As families dip apples in honey to ensure a sweet new year, the grieving individual may be wondering if life will ever be sweet again. If you are caring for a loved one with a terminal illness or have just buried your loved one, the holidays can bring sadness and loneliness. People who grieve may in fact, dread this time of year because they don’t feel happy. They may want to skip the holidays altogether.

There are many significant days for the bereaved throughout the year – birthdays, anniversaries, secular holidays and the religious holidays. The new year’s services elucidate the fragility of life with many life and death themes. While some find solace and comfort in the synagogue through singing, meditation and reading sacred poems, others may feel it is just too much. These themes can be a trigger and everyone reacts differently. There is no right or wrong away to celebrate after a loved one has died.

People who are grieving often do not have the emotional or physical energy to celebrate the holidays as have they done in the past. Communicate with family and friends. Let others know when you are not up to attending a gathering.

Think about including the deceased in your holiday. You may want to honor your loved one by sharing stories, reminiscing about past holidays, toasting your loved one’s memory or doing a kind deed as a tribute.

Be kind and gentle to yourself. Honor your time to grieve.