To Group or Not to Group

Here is an article by one of our Bereavement Coordinators, Judith Beckman, MA, LSW.
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“Finally, I am with people who really understand. No one knows what it is like to lose a child (spouse, parent…). Now I know that I'm not the only one.” These are among many sentiments expressed by people who have attended grief support groups. Groups allow us to lean into the pain as opposed to avoiding it, while at the same time we experience support and caring from people who are suffering from similar loss.

There are numerous grief support groups throughout the community. There are general grief groups as well as groups for specific types of loss. Some groups are open-ended and run continuously, meeting once or twice a month. Others may meet weekly and are time limited. Most grief support groups are run by facilitators whose primary role is to help the participants stay on task and to make the group a “safe” arena to share feelings and stories. Depending on the group, facilitators may also help to educate members on the grieving process and various coping skills.

If you have never attended a similar group before, it can be a difficult decision to decide whether or not to participate in one. Perhaps the first question to ask yourself is: What are my expectations? If you are expecting a “magic” answer that will resolve your grief and make pain disappear, you may need to talk this over with a bereavement coordinator or grief counselor before you attend. Group work, like any other grief work, cannot “fix” the grief. Groups can provide a non-judgmental place to share thoughts and feelings with others who are experiencing loss. Members have reported that they feel “less alone” and that being in a group has helped to normalize the grieving process.

While members are encouraged to share as they see fit, silence is also respected. There are no rules about talking in the group. For some, listening to others is as healing as sharing one’s own story.

Once you have made the decision to join a group, most experienced group members recommend that you attend a few sessions before you decide to stop coming. While there are no hard and fast rules for this, it is important to remember that for many first time attendees, there will be a high degree of anxiety. By allowing yourself to come to more than one meeting, you give yourself an opportunity to see if group work can aid in your grieving process.

Group work can be challenging and intense. However, many members report that the experience is rewarding and immensely supportive.

If you are thinking abut joining a group and would like more information please contact us at The Bereavement Center.