S.T.A.R.S...grief support for children and adolescents

Now that we have completed NEOEA day training for schools, we are instilling new energy in our S.T.A.R.S support groups for children. S.T.A.R.S (Supporting Tears, Anger, Remembrance and Sadness) if offered both in the schools and the in community. For our six-week community S.T.A.R.S, while the children are meeting, there is an adult support group to assist family members in dealing with their own grief. In the schools, we tailor and modify the curriculum so that it is developmentally appropriate for pre-school through high school. There is no parent component and the groups usually last 8 weeks.



The goals of S.T.A.R.S include:

Coping with Feelings

Support for Remembering Loved Ones

Peer Support

One of the comments I remember the most is when a nine year said to me, "I am so relieved. I thought I was going crazy. Now I know there are others just like me."

Busy, busy, busy...

The autumn has been extremely busy in the bereavement center. We have been planning and completing numerous presentations for the Greater Cleveland community. Our Walking Through Grief: a bereavement certificate program has proven to be highly successful. We will offer Level II in the winter. Particpants have been singing praises of the courses and the expertise of the instructors. This Friday, we will presenting to teachers throughout the five-county area on Facing Death: Grief and Loss at School. In addition, I'll be presenting When a cancer related death touches a school to another group. During the midst of all this prep work and presentations, we have had numerous crisis response in the schools. The stories touch our hearts and range from suicide and homicide to previous medical conditions to sudden death. The schools have responded swiftly and responsibly and have utilized our resources appropriately. We are grateful that we are able to provide these services.

Pet Grief

The love relationship between a child and pet has many qualities. Children and teens enjoy their pets: they take charge of them, hold, feed, clean up after, and claim their pet as their own. A dog becomes a tireless playmate eager to chase and wrestle. A usually grouchy teen can find comfort in a purring/petting session with the usually aloof family cat.

The life span of most pets is relatively short and children face the loss of a pet at some point. When a pet dies, parents usually expect a child or teen to be upset about the death, but not the intensity of the grief reactions. Sometimes the death of a relative may seem distant to the child. However, the death of a pet is of the child’s world, and children feel and show that their heart is breaking.

A helpful family member can prepare a child by teaching death awareness throughout the child’s life. When an animal declines with age or illness or must be euthanized, death can be anticipated and talked about. It is important to talk directly to children about euthanasia and not use terms like “put to sleep” that might confuse children or cause anxiety. This talking together can bring comfort when the pet finally dies and the feelings are intense. An accidental death is always hard. It is crisis that often requires action and decisions on many levels and in turn colors the grief responses.

Create a family atmosphere that losses can be felt and talked about. Help children resist an impulse to replace the pet too quickly. Children need to know that grief takes time and the dead pet has a special place in their lives that will live on. Sometimes not all family members agree with this, but hopefully a compromise can be reached.

A modest memorial for your pet can take on the unique features of your pet and your family. It is especially helpful when the memorial activity is geared to the developmental age of the children, represents what was “special” about the pet, and reflects family traditions and history. With pets as with people, poems, pictures, music, hugs, laughter, memories and tears help your special relationship with your pet live on.